


Why Me?

by rosadellic



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Mutual Pining, On Hiatus, Physical Disability, Pre-Relationship, Self Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-27 18:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12588372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosadellic/pseuds/rosadellic
Summary: There was a million reasons Joker could think of when it came to Commander Shepard wanting to befriend him or even looking his way. But maybe he was wrong?





	1. Chapter 1

_Why Me?_

_By: rosadellic_

* * *

 

Joker couldn’t help but let his eyes linger longer than necessary as the beautiful and eye catching Commander Shepard walked past him in the cafeteria. He had been sitting at one of the long tables, a cup of untouched coffee sitting before him along with a data pad he did not care to read. His crutches were pressed safely against his chair, just in case he needed to get back to the cockpit in a hurry.

His mind wasn’t focused on that though, which surprised him, but rather he had been thinking about the Commander. He didn’t know what it was about the woman that had started to claim his attention. He had known her only for a short time since being on the Normandy but damn if he didn’t like seeing her aboard the ship. Joker had noticed some of the stares she got, mostly from Kaidan Alenko and another crewman on the lower deck, but honestly couldn’t blame them.

Shepard was beautiful - _downright_ striking.

He could name off a bunch of things he liked about her but a few stood out to him because he was that picky. She had smooth, ivory skin. It looked soft and silky to the naked eye and he could imagine how it would feel. Her eyes were her most noticeable feature as they were a shimmering blue, almost like pure ice. Her cheeks were always tinted a little pink, possibly from the adrenaline or maybe it was just natural - _not_ that he was complaining.

From the day he first he met her, he had a hard time trying not to stare into her eyes for too long or to let his eyes linger on that small, slightly curved scar that rested under her right eye.

Personally Joker believed it gave the Commander character and also he thought it made her more appealing. He noticed she wore a minimum amount of makeup, such as a dark brown mascara and a clear gloss, but did try to cover the scar with some sort of concealer of foundation.

Joker knew it wasn’t his business to pry but he wanted to ask her what was it from but he had a small idea of where it did come from anyways. For some reason he read through her personal history when it became public knowledge - he learned that she was the lone survivor of a thresher maw attack but also survived a slaver raid on a colonial planet called Mindoir when she was young. It was tragic but he could tell she learned how to deal with it.

Besides that point Joker was aware of how Kaidan acted around her too. His eyes would always widen slightly and his mouth would part, as if he wanted to tell her something but he chickened out at the last minute and said nothing. Joker didn’t have a problem with the Lieutenant, he actually thought Kaidan was a very nice person but he didn’t know the meaning of fun or at least how to relax.

But he couldn’t help but get a little jealous whenever Kaidan would try and pine to her, Shepard responded by flickering her lashes and offering a gentle smile.

Joker wanted to know why Shepard would even give into those love sick puppy dog eyes in the first place but he knew that it wasn’t his place to interrupt because the thought of him and the Commander being together was preposterous. She was beautiful and radiant, why would such a powerful but subtle women ever be interested in someone like him?

Most women didn’t want to be with a cripple. Yeah he knew that calling himself such a crude word was mean spirited to himself but he couldn’t help it. All his life he was picked on for his disability and it sort of set in following. Like he expected to be treated like garbage. Joker remembered that Turian who called him a cripple to his face or that one time when a stronger and bigger Alliance soldier threatened to kick his crutches from under him.

Thinking about those memories stung him so Joker inhaled lightly before taking a gulp of his now cold coffee. He grimaced instantly at the gross taste but before he could get up to get himself a new cup, Shepard came out of the medical bay with a cheerful smile on her face. A loose strand of her curly hair hung in her eye but she whisked it away with a finger.

Joker felt his cheeks redden slightly because she was just so pretty.

Yeah it was a stupid thing to say but it was _true_.

Her dark brown hair wasn’t long like most women he had seen but it came down a little below her chin and was styled in light but loose curls. Joker knew she didn’t need long hair or crap loads of makeup to look good because it came natural to her. He stilled when Shepard’s ice blue eyes locked onto his and she gave him a kind smile, a light dusting of freckles on her cheeks and two noticeable dimples.

He said she was cute, right?

His heart thumped lightly at the sight and it went faster when the Commander made her way towards the table he was at, looking rather comfortable in her normal blue uniform and no armor. The blue fatigues were pretty bland and boring but holy cow she made it worth staring at. “Hey Flight Lieutenant, enjoying some coffee?”

As some sort of miracle, Joker managed to stop gawking at her and speak. “I - I...”

_Talk you idiot!_

Clearing his throat, he flashed her a grin. “I like to binge on this crap since I’m going to be flying the most advanced space ship. It’s gotten cold but I’ll still drink it anyway. Pretty cool, huh?”

_Yeah because what’s cool about a cripple flying a warship?_

To his surprise Shepard chuckled lightly, her voice sending low chills down his already shaking spine. It surprised him that she wasn’t going to judge him. “I’ve heard you are particularly good at what you do, and that you know how to use your hands.”

That last part made Joker freeze all together and almighty he was certain his face as red as a chilli pepper. Either he was blushing or it had gotten increasingly hot in here but he knew it was the latter. Damn him and his inability to handle flirting - he doubted she was.

Why would Shepard even think of flirting with him? He was a scrawny pilot who ran his mouth and always wore a hat. He was scruffy, didn’t like to shave and most likely looked like a midget compared to the other more statured and fit men on the ship. He figured she would be more interested in talking this way to Alenko. The Lieutenant was far better looking, had a great smile and no doubt a soldier’s body built from training and his biotics.

Shepard smiled again and clasped her hands behind her waist. Her narrow, slim waist which led to some _very_ nice looking hips. Okay he was staring again. _So sue him for enjoying the female body._

“I uh, yes I am, Commander. I’m the best pilot in the fleet for a reason. You won’t see anybody else with magics hands like these.” Joker was somewhat satisfied with that response and flashed her another grin.

God how cheeky did he look at that moment? Shepard didn’t seem to mind and gently leaned closer, bending a smidge just so only he could hear her.

Joker’s heart picked up it’s pace wildly as her voice dropped to a low octave, not that much space between them. “I sure hope they live up to what you claim, who knows when you might have to use them.”

Shepard straightened her posture, in a more professional manner before she departed from the flustered pilot without a second glance. Her retreating foot steps were drowned out by the normal nosies going on around The Normandy. Joker, however, looked to be in a mix of confused, shocked and bewildered all in one. Maybe a little flustered? No, he was _totally_ flustered.

Now he knew why it had gotten so hot in the mess, because he was sure his heart was going to burst through his ribcage at any moment. He was sure his cheeks were on fire and only because of what she said to him. Why? Why would Shepard even say something like that towards him?

Joker leaned forward and placed both hands onto his heated face, wondering what was going to happen after this.

_Why me?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Written by rosadellic_

* * *

 

Joker carefully walked down the blue highlighted corridor towards the elevator, crutches supporting him the whole way. His mind had felt like it was made out of wires and circuits that were about to short out and it was because of what happened almost a week ago.

He still couldn’t believe that Shepard - his _Commander_ out of all things -had flirted with him!

Well he was sure it was flirting anyway. He could be a good judge of character and from the way she smiled, leaned closer and made those comments about him having magic hands couldn’t have been her being nice. Joker wasn’t going to sit there and pretend they were being nice but he had been flirted with before and it was the same scenario.

The crew of the Normandy had just gotten their first ground mission and were going to be setting course for some lush planet called Eden Prime. He was all for business but he was distracted. Shepard was a strong and beautiful woman, who could have anyone she wanted if she chose that lifestyle, but for some reason unknown to him she liked to stare at him, smile at him and wiggle her fingers in a small wave.

Joker thought from the moment that Kaidan Alenko had started to make a move that Shepard would instead be chatting it up with him. Instead he found Alenko standing by himself most of the time on the crew deck, with Shepard only coming down to speak privately with Dr. Chakwas. He didn’t want to know what they were talking about but had a feeling it was about Alenko’s biotic flare ups.

Okay Joker didn’t hate him but he sure didn’t appreciate Alenko trying to flirt with the Commander as much as he did. As he stopped before the elevator, he tilted his head at the sound of soft laughter coming from down the corridor.

He eased himself back towards the mess area and what do you know, he spotted Kaidan and the Commander standing a little too close to eachother. The biotic was smiling a little and was almost trying to take her hand in his.

Shepard responded, not in the quickest or most flirty way, by tilting her head and batting her lashes softly. She kept both her hands pressed behind her back to kept him from touching her but she stayed put and let out that soft laugh again. Joker loved that laugh, from when she chuckled at his horrible joke attempt last week.

Now he felt a little jealous watching the display, just wondering what Alenko was trying to do. Yes he knew that Shepard wasn’t _his_ to get fussy over but he couldn’t help it. He was attracted to her, her smile, her charm and her personality. Joker wasn’t sure what Alenko was attracted to but had a sneaking suspicion that it was more about her physical assets than her mental one.

Hell Joker had found himself staring at the small curve of her back but he was a red blooded man and was proud of it.

Alenko then got the hint that Shepard wasn’t interested in talking for too long and he saluted her with a another half smile.

 _Why didn’t he ever smile?_ Joker didn’t care enough to think about it but found himself stuck when the Commander began heading towards him and he took too long to move.

Why did he have to stand around spying when he could’ve been in the CIC by now?

Shepard spotted Joker trying to casually head into the elevator and a small smile pulled at her lips. “Hey again, Flight Lieutenant. I didn’t think I would run into you again unless you were flying the Normandy.” Her voice came out smooth like butter but Joker made sure not to fall and break a bone.

That would be a really bad thing to witness.

Joker adjusted his stance and offered her a small grin. “Yeah well sometimes I like to walk around, you know? I don’t want anyone else in the Alliance thinking I’m a lazy ass who doesn’t do anything else but fly.” He tried to chuckle this time but Shepard’s smile dropped and she looked stern.

 _Oh no did I say something wrong?_ _Way to go, dumbass._

Shepard took a step closer, looking more serious this time - like she was ready for buisness.

“Has anyone been harassing you, Joker? I won’t tolerate bullying, even if Anderson doesn’t agree with me, I’ll put an end to it.”

Breathing a small sigh of relief, Joker shook his head firmly. So he didn’t upset her, instead she got protective because she thought he was getting bullied. The thought almost brought a red glow to his cheeks but he controlled it.

“No no, nothing like that. I just got used to the treatment by now - did you just call me Joker?” The look of shock on her pretty face was good enough to take a picture. Her eyes widened somewhat and her lips parted, like he she was trying to find something to say.

Joker wasn’t going to tell her but he liked it. He liked it when _she_ said it and didn’t call him by his formal name.

It was something that he wanted to hear from now on, it couldn’t hurt right?

Everyone else called him that anyway, even Anderson called him Joker on occasion. It was better than saying _Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau_ he thought personally.

Shepard rubbed the back of her head, her curly hair getting in her eye again. “I’m sorry, I heard the Captain call you that before. It’s not to personal?”

Joker attempted to look cool about it but couldn’t help but crack a grin. He liked the way she said his name and would never tell her not to call him that.

“No, it’s cool Commander. Everyone calls me Joker anyways so no harm no foul in you saying it too.” He saw her face ease then and that lovely, heart catching smile formed on her face again.

God, why did she have to be like this towards me? Or like this in general? Why did she choose to act this way around me?

“Good to know, Flight - _Joker_. I have to speak with the Captain now so maybe I’ll talk to you later?” Shepard’s tone of voice was still smooth, and she clearly meant what she was asking.

_Maybe there was a reason for her to chat it up with me instead of Alenko._

Joker still wasn’t sure how to register this beautiful woman talking to him and giving him her attention but for now he would play it ear by ear. He knew Shepard had no intentions to play a joke on him but his paranoia was still settling fresh.

“Sure, Commander. I’ll see you later then.” Joker answered in a voice he thought was normal and watched the Commander turn around again and make her way towards the Captain’s quarters.

Joker carefully adjusted his crutches again, pressing the green call button for the elevator and sighed. “I hope I’ll see you later....”


End file.
